Alright, was I ready for another wacky day with the J-man’s crazy antics? No, I was not.

Stayed up a bit too late last night and woke up early afternoon. Walking into the living room, I found none other than John Travolta duct taped to a chair. Several months ago I would have freaked out, but today, I barely flinched. The J-man is corrupting my brain, as he has done too many over the years. I hope I don’t end up as Andy Dick did. I’d never forgive Jesus.

I was about to pull of the tape covering his mouth when Jesus walked in on me, carrying a copy of Battlefield Earth and wearing his usual “My Little Pony” t-shirt. I proceeded to ask him why Travolta was here, trying to cope with how his drug addled mind worked. 

“I’m curing this man of insanity.” That was his entire reply. He merely asked me to leave a couple of minutes later. He seemed to be setting up a projector of some kind. I could only imagine what he was about to do, maybe some Clockwork Orange scenario. 

Before I left, I tried to explain that this man was not insane, but the J-man ignored me and once again sent me for the door. Out in the hall I noticed a lot of other things not supposed to be there. Among them a dreadlock wig, Viagra pills, the Necronomicon, a brightly colored jumpsuit and Tom Cruise. I quickly asked him for an autograph and was out the door.

When I returned not long ago, everything seemed to be back to normal here. I checked the entire place and I only found something that might be bloodstains on the bathtub floor, but I’m not sure about that. Checking the news, I found some articles about how photos of a ragged Cruise returning to his home had surfaced. Found nothing on Travolta though, but I guess no one cares. Might check that bathtub again though.

Today is May 17^th, the national day of Norway. I celebrated by flicking paperclips at random customers. 

Jesus on the other hand, was unaware of this country’s existence.

 Tonight was poker night, I had fun. 

The J-man invited some friends over and we played poker, ate some chips and had a few beers. I continually check my beer though, making sure it’s still beer and not Gatorade. 

Jesus did bring some weird friends, but still, I knew and had heard of two of them. First off there was Greg, never heard of him but he’s a solid guy. Then there was famous Japanese crazy man Mitsuo Matayoshi, who is actually a pretty cool dude. Lastly there was Judas, old friend of Jesus from the Bible. He had a really bad poker face.

Went out and got a new keyboard and mouse, very annoying. As retaliation I replaced Jesus’s sandals with crocs. I may not be as maniacally evil as he is, but crocs are one of the ugliest things ever created.

Give thanks to the God of heaven, for his steadfast love endures forever.

The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? 

The LORD is the stronghold of my life of whom shall I be afraid? The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. Penis.

Fuck my life! Jesus broke into my cpc last night and wrote in my diart. I would remove it, but that asshat removed the backspace key, poured yogurt in its place and replaced my mouse with a dead rat. So this entry and maybe some next ones mighy be full of typos. Why do I put up with this jerk? Just rememer to avenge this unholy deed!

There was a rocket launcher leaning up against the wall beside the toilet today. Why the hell would it be there? Hell if I know, I just return it and ask no questions.

Hung out with Kate today, over at her place though, as she is very uncomfortable having Jesus around. Very understandable, seeing as she was first introduced to him after watching him perform an encore of armpit related songs.

Okay, this is going to sound insane, but this was the most amazing armpit fart concert I have even been to.

The clarity of the sounds, the rhythm he could carry so effortlessly and the pure musical talent he portrayed was unbelievable. Jesus was simply astounding.

Kate loved it too, as did the rest of the audience. About 300 people showed up and they were all spellbound from the very first tone. During the night he performed an entire set consisting of 7 songs, some of them among the most romantic music I have heard. It was magical.

Again, I know it sounds insane, but don’t judge without having heard it for yourselves. The J-man earned a lot of respect from me today.

Today was a good day. Asked out Kate, the girl I like, and she agreed to come with me to a concert. I’m very excited.

It’s not all sunshine and roses though; the concert we are going to is the project Jesus was working on. How in the name of Zeus’s butthole am I going to explain what this concert is really about?

Well, the concert is tomorrow, I guess I’ll just act surprised.

I’m home alone at my computer tonight. Browsing through my latest updates on Facebook, I saw a couple of stories that upset me. My brother apparently loves a new Rob Zombie movie and a female friend of mine is “addicted” to some new Justin Bieber song and is going to, quote; “stalk this badboi, is not bad, hes my future husband after all lolz”. I sit there in silence for maybe three minutes.

Fuck it, I pressed the button.

Nothing happened. The J-man apparently endorses psychological torture. I’m very tired, going to bed now.

Jesus trolled me today. He came into the living room and stood before me, blocking the TV. He then put a small button controller in my lap and said “This button destroys the entire universe. I’m going to my dad for the weekend, see you Sunday.” OH MY GOD. He’s an evil genius.

I put the button on the table beside me and return my attention to the TV. Every now and then I would glance at the controller beside me, sweat forming above my brows before swiftly shifting my eyes back. This asshole is not going to get to me.

Okay, it’s been quite a while since my last entry now, I’ve been quite busy and to be honest; very disturbed. Although the store is going pretty solid now, things with Jesus have taken a turn for the worse. He’s a complete mental!

As previously documented, he has turned out to be a complete weirdo, becoming more and more disturbing by the day. But now it has gotten out of hand. He keeps messing with my head, edging me on and it generally seems like he hates me.

Every time we talk, he makes snarky comments about me being a sinner. Meanwhile, he keeps on smoking weed, lying to his family and dabbling in human trafficking. At this point I’m afraid to confront him on it or even rat him out.

He eats my food and turns my beer into Gatorade. Again and again he also keeps mentioning that I’m going to betray him. I thought I had already done that.