Jeff Goldblum in my shower! Jeff Goldblum! In my shower!

That dickwhistle teleported Jeff Goldblum into my shower today, I have no words to express how messed up this is. I guess I pissed him off earlier when I took some hay from his hay pile while he was sleeping, but my chinchilla was out of food and I didn’t bother going to the store.

Never really seen him use his powers like this, so I’ll be lying low, trying to steer clear of him for a while. I had a good talk with Jeff Goldblum though; guy is hung like a horse.

Not much to write about today. Jesus did say I was going to betray him though. Not sure what that was about.

You know that hat that the pope has? If you push that down and twist it, candy comes out.

Jesus stole this joke from me today and he told it to this girl I like, right in front of me!

Granted, I stole the joke from Sean Lock, but still; he’s starting to get to me.

Was at the grocery store with Jesus today and while I was getting milk I saw him in the fruit section, fondling bananas. Weirder and weirder, what have I gotten myself into?

Sales have gone drastically up for our geeky little store since its slow beginning. Being in charge of inventory, I try to stay on top of which new books, comics, board games and popular geek culture accessories we should take in or not. It’s a task fitting for me.

Today we even got our own cleaning lady, pretty awesome news. I think her name was Ellie, but we all agreed we were probably just going to call her Consuela. Sadly though, she’s not Hispanic.

 

Asked Jesus about the noises last night and while I didn’t really get a direct answer, he mentioned something about a musical project he was working on. Yeah, I have no clue what the heck he was doing armpit farts for, but I’ll just ignore this. I have other things to focus on.

I can’t sleep tonight, there are strange noises coming from Jesus’s room. It’s a very odd noise; I can’t quite put my finger on it. It’s faint, I have definitely heard it before and for some reason I’m smirking. But what the hell is he doing? And why now in the middle of the night – wait - is he practicing armpit farts? Oh my god, is this really happening?

Alright, well he just yelled at me through the wall not to take his father’s name in vain. I’m done, logging off for a fap.